What the Hell?

I've been slightly absent from this blog for a little bit (I have a flair for stating the obvious, I know).  I have plenty of good excuses: I moved out of my house, moved back into my house, got a different job, freaked out about possible breast cancer which turned out to be just a lumpy tit, and started taking mood enhancing drugs.  For full details you'll have to wait until my autobiography is published (dont' hold your breath).

But it's all water under the bridge my friends, because I'm back . . . typing . . . about stuff. Okay, I've got things to say, really I do. I mean I don't want you to think that during my blog absence I wasn't doing anything crafty. I mean, I pinned a hell of a lot of shit on Pinterest. My 'pin it' button was on fire people!

What? That doesn't count?

Ummm, I found some pretty freaky crafts in my Mom's house:

 I had nightmares for weeks afterwards.

No, NO!! She's trying to suffocate me with those pom pom hands!!!

ahem . . . I've also been working on a fabulous crocheted blanket.  My son said to me one day, "Mom, are you going to be working on that for the rest of your life?"  It felt like it, it really did, but it's almost finished and hopefully will be in the shop soon. 

I've got some plans for new stuff for the shop, that may or may not reach fruition.  It's hard to tell with me.  And I'm also making it my mission to actually do some of the crafts I've pinned on Pinterest and I'll be sharing the success (or more than likely, failures) of those here on this blog.

So to sum things up: Sorry I was gone. I'm back. I don't promise anything spectacular but with the help of prescribed medication, I shall do my best! 

It was like being embraced by the entirety of Scandinavia

Recently I visited my mom in Phoenix and of course we made a trip to IKEA.  I adore IKEA.  If anyone has a petition going to get an IKEA into Iowa I will sign it. . . and then legally change my name and sign it again!  I suppose I could start a petition myself but hey, I'm busy.

Anywho, as we're strolling through the store checking out all the Lerbergs's and Ekby's and Byholma's, we entered one of the little mini house/apartment displays they have set up within the store.  If you've never been to IKEA, they usually have several small display "homes" which showcase what the economy and functionality of their furniure can accomplish in tight quarters.

As I entered the bedroom of the 380 sq. foot display, something on the wall caught my eye.

Hmmm, that silhouette on the right looks familiar....Let's take a closer look

No, it can't be!

 Yes, yes it is!

It was my very own Edward/R Patz silhouette that I offered the free jpeg of on this very blog, back in November of 2009!  They had printed it and placed it in one of their frames and used it as decoration in a display inside an IKEA store.

I literally almost crapped myself! I just kept circling this 380 square foot display space like a crazed maniac; snapping photos of the wall with my phone.  I mean in the grand scheme of things it's no big deal.  Who knows who found it or even where.  Maybe some designer from IKEA found it off this blog when she was looking for free artwork to grace the walls and blend with the black and white palette of the room.  Maybe they got it off Google Image. Who knows.  But there it was, my work being displayed in IKEA!

Now after I explained to my mother why I was circing this room like a vulture and squealing like a pre pubescent girl at a Justin Beiber concert.  She asked if I was sure it was mine.  I mean after all anyone really can put together a silhouette, especially of someone famous, whose image is everywhere on the web.  However, I know my work and I had obsessed enough about those front two curls of hair and whether or not they looked natural, that there was no doubt in my mind.

Here's my original jpeg I offered to all readers:



Oh yeah, it's mine (with flip and a little bit of stretch, but still mine), and I shall be forever giddy!

The Horror!

Just because Peeps are a symbol of spring doesn't mean that things like this should happen:
Even if I were able to look past the blatant waste of what I believe to be one of the greatest holiday treats in the world (which I'm not), I still can't fathom the idea of having hardened stale marshmallows hanging on the front door.
Is it just me or do some of these bunnies look plain evil?
Tulle and rock hard marshmallows, my favorite combo.
Look at their poor little exposed marshmallow patches and their haphazard placement. It's like a circular open grave of my fondest childhood Easter memories. Oh the carnage!

OMG, they're being nailed to this thing with toothpicks and then they just hang there until they're stored away in a dark cavelike rubbermaid tote until they're resurrected....for next year's display. Wait, why does this sound familiar? Maybe it's an analogy of something...

Anyway, my point is: Please don't make the Peeps die for your decorating sins.

A Valentine's Day Lesson

I have two small children. So I'm no stranger to the vast and educational wonders of kids programming. One of my daughter's favorites is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Recently I picked up this Valentine themed Mickey Mouse book for her and I was awed and astounded by the real life lessons it bestowed. I couldn't help but share it with you.

Mickey has just remembered that it's Valentine's day. Here kids learn that fictional anthropomorphised cartoon mice suffer the same stereotypes as human men in that they are always unprepared for romantic holidays.

Mickey doesn't know what to get Minnie. This is probably because he doesn't really pay much attention to her and takes their relationship purely for granted since she's the only female fictional mouse of his acquaintance and while he fancies Daisy more, interspecies romance is apparently considered taboo in the clubhouse. He's obviously just coasting through this relationship.

Luckily a "stranger" appears at the door and offers to assist him with finding the perfect gift. (Is it just me or does this look like something else? Like maybe Mickey's thinking he might see a whole other side of sweet innocent Minnie? Hmmm.)

However, to set the correct expectations, and perhaps because he's slightly daft, she employs the use of visual aids.

"Knit that fine rodent a hat, man!" And so Mickey proceeds to locate a sheep, sheer it, spin the wool into yarn, and dye it. Thereby educating the youth of today on the wonders of the fiber arts and that a seemingly straight male can find enjoyment in making his own yarn.

The mysterious stranger even provides the knitting needles, though honestly they seem a rather small size for the weight of that yarn, but it is fiction so I'll let it slide.

And wouldn't you know it, Mickey is able to create the perfect gift for Minnie, therein bringing home the most important message of all to young girls.

Girls, if you want that perfect gift, you're better off just getting it for yourself. That is unless you enjoy wearing trench coats (and then having to make it clear, that no, you are not there to role play as a stripper), drawing pictures of exactly what you want and supplying all the tools for him to make/get it for you.

Happy Valentine's Day all! Go out and get yourselves something nice.

Intervention: Put down that virtual pushpin!

I, along with the majority of women in the world with an internet connection, am currently obsessed with Pinterest. I can’t even tell you the number of hours I’ve wiled away in front of my laptop screen scrolling through pin after fantastic pin.

Pinterest is great. I’ve gotten tons of inspiration, but that’s the problem. It’s inspiration overload, and I’m so drawn to finding that next great inspirational pin, that I never actually create anything based on an idea or pattern I’ve pinned. I don’t have time – I’m pinning too much other crap.

It’s taken me a while to accept my addiction and that’s the first step toward recovery. Are you addicted as well? Take the quiz below, and find out.

1. Have you even pinned a quote or image about pinning?


2. Do you find yourself jealous of your Facebook friends, not because of their great hair, flawless skin, or skinny ass, but because they’ve pinned more cool stuff than you have?

3. When someone at work sends you the recipe for that great dessert they brought in for food day, do you catch yourself looking for the “Pin It” button on your work computer?

4. Do you ever have a burning desire to crochet a rock cozy or glue plastic painted toy animals to the tops of jar lids simply because these items photograph well?

5. Have you ever sent your children to bed in their clothes and with unbrushed teeth, because, “Mommy just wants to look at one more thing – go tuck yourselves in sweeties.”

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be addicted to Pinterest. Seek medical attention as soon as possible.

My plan is to wean myself off slowly and try to cut my Pinterset browsing down by half. This time will be spent crafting instead of just planning on crafting by looking at pins of other people’s crafts. I’ll keep you pinned, I mean posted on my progress – right after I pin this one thing I saw earlier today…..

Because there aren't enough felt versions of the Hall of Justice in this world.

The best thing about making gifts by hand is that they are completely and totally unique. That's what I loved so much about this project that I created for my best friend's little boy for Christmas.

Now Avery is all about superheroes. The kid is frighteningly obsessed with them for a kid so young, and he's got tons of superhero dress up toys, action figures and playsets etc. What he didn't have, was portability...and a swamp made out of felt. That's where I came in.

Behold, the portable superhero felt playmat house.

I based most of my design on the old Justice League cartoons I used to watch. So I had to have some water for Aqua Man, a forest for the Amazonian, Wonder Woman ,the Hall of Justice and the Hall of Doom of course, and then since Batman is both a favorite of mine and Avery's I did a mini Gotham City complete with Bat Signal. I was a little stumped as to what to do next. I attempted Superman's fortress of solitude, but in felt it just looked like a really weird teepee. I ended up doing a section of space instead since superheroes are eager to share their powers with those on other planets as well.

Now I wish I had come up with the idea for this playmat on my own, but I didn't. Check out Cook Clean and Craft's awesome tutorial here for instructions on how to make your very own.

Hers is a more traditional car playmat but I changed a few things in mine. Obviously, I changed the theme of the playmat, but I also sewed all of my pieces on instead of glueing. I think in general glueing felt is fine. However, the child this is going to once pulled the descriptive plaque off of a museum display with his bare hands, and I've personally witnessed his little sister reduce a cell phone to nothing but metal filings and broken plastic chunks. So, it needed to be extra durable.

Plus, I loved being able to create texture, depth and interest with the stitching.

However, sliding this huge felt playmat under my machine while trying to delicately stitch around each tiny piece of felt got pretty tiresome after a while.

At about hour 12 of this project, I turned to my husband and said, "You know I don't really like that kid this much anyway."

I persevered though, if only for the glory of being able to claim that I recreated the Hall of Doom and it's swampy locale in felt.


All in all I'm thrilled with it and I think it's going to be a hit, especially since my kid's can't seem to stop playing with it.

The best part is that it all folds up into this cute little house/scyscraper and his guys can be stowed away inside.

All ready for a road trip, daycare or a trip to Aunt Amy's house!

Near-incoherent rambling, which I suppose makes me sassy and creative which then reinforces that I am that which I hate!

May I vent? Thank you.

I peruse a fair amount of crafting blogs because I’m a crafter, I’m always looking for new ideas, and I need to keep up with current crafting trends to try and make my Etsy shop successful. There are certain sites that I like more than others and I was trying to pinpoint why that is and I think I figured it out the other day.

There are a lot of guest bloggers on this particular site, you know the whole, “today we have a guest post from Yolanda of Immorecreativeandthinnerthanyou.com and she’s going to show us how she made this fabulous ruffled burlap poached egg cozy”. Which is then followed by a short introduction about how sassy and funny and creative Yolanda is. Then Yolanda gets to chime in and show us how creative and sassy and funny she is by free forming a few sentences about herself which only proves that she thinks she’s sassy but she’s really not.

This of course includes a description of how she left her fortune 500 job to stay at home with her adorable children who are the light of her life (insert photo of her looking like a recently retired runway model, her husband who just looks whipped, and her perfectly coiffed children dressed in Gap fashions sitting on a fabulous vintage couch set in the middle of a field and photoshopped so that the couch and the people are in color and the rest is in artsy black and white and the photographer did that thing where they tilted their camera at an angle, because you know they were too sophisticated to take straight photos).

Then comes the tutorial in which we get a view of Yolanda’s crafting area which of course is its own separate room and furnished to look like a Martha Stewart Crafts magazine layout. Oh and she’s doing this while her sweet lovely children are napping, or attending the local Montessori academy. And well, at that point I just start getting a little sick. I know Yolanda is not as perfect as she seems. I know that just out of camera shot she’s probably got a pile of laundry and an empty bottle of booze. But when you’ve seen 20 guest bloggers and they all are so good at pulling off this perfect sassy, creative, fun mommy crafter thing, it just starts to really make me feel inadequate.

I work 48 hours a week. I can only get something done in the wee hours of the morning or when I’m allowing my children to rot their brains out with excessive video gaming. My crafting space is wedged in the corner of my basement between the litter boxes and our far too extensive collection of Rockband guitars, and my children haven’t posed for a decent photo without making a goofy grin or having their hand in their mouths or in their pants since they were 1. I can’t remember the last time I had the courage to look at myself in a full length mirror, and when I walk through the mall, those gals at the eyebrow threading kiosk practically beg me to get my eyebrows done- not because they want the business but because they really think they’ll be doing society a favor by taming the two caterpillars currently residing above my eye sockets.

So I’ve decided to take a break from craft blog perusing. I don’t really need to know how to cover everything not nailed down in burlap, and despite what some people think, not everything needs ruffles. I love ruffles as much as the next gal but you do not need ruffles on your lampshade, and you do not need a ruffled camera strap cover. Really…stop with the ruffles already.

I imagine sitting on this couch would be like being trapped in your great Aunt Ida's bosom when she hugs you at your cousin's wedding while wearing that ruffled chiffon shirtthat she's worn to every special occasion since 1968.

"Ida, you're squeezing too tight and I think your Avon perfume is giving me a rash on my face!"

Sorry. I digressed there, but I did warn you in the title that this was full of incoherent rambling.